It’s Not The People — It’s The Behavior!

Written by Mike Shapiro | | August 9, 2016

I’ve been hearing lately that there are certain types of people we should try to avoid. See for example 10 Toxic People You Should Avoid Like The Plague, which lists those that display arrogance, victimhood, control, envy, lying, negativity, greed, judging, gossiping and poor character.

But consider this:

  1. You may not see them coming.
  2. You may not be able to avoid them even if you’ve been warned.
  3. Everyone — yes, everyone — might be guilty of some of these sins some of the time, so be careful not to write someone off as, for example, a negative or judging person just because they’ve exhibited that kind of behavior at some time.

It might not be toxic people, but toxic behavior you should watch for. And maybe when you see it coming your way, it shouldn’t trigger your avoidance response, but rather the use of your skills, knowledge, wisdom and compassion.

What should you do?

  1. Accept that these are archetypal behaviors on the part of fellow travelers we should expect and welcome as a part of life’s challenges.
  2. View each occurrence as an opportunity to neutralize the potential negative impact and even help the people exhibiting them.
  3. Check to see whether it may actually be a reaction to any of our own actions.

Examples?

  1. Someone told you John said you didn’t deserve the promotion you just got. What’s John’s story? Look for an opportunity to show him your promotion doesn’t make it less likely he’ll get something he wants. Is there any way you can help him?
  2. Megan complains that her new role has less importance than the one she had before, and cites the reorg as directed at her specifically. Help her see the bigger picture, let her know it wasn’t personal to her and that it might present a new opportunity for her to do some things differently and better.
  3. You find to your surprise that Josh is claiming credit for one of Brianna’s contributions to the team effort. Did Josh also do something that should have been more publicly recognized? Maybe it’s not too late.

Don’t be surprised or insulted by anything you see. Whatever comes your way, whether you perceive it as toxic or nourishing, can be an opportunity to use your own special talents for the greater good of the organization and the people who work there.